Medical technology is giving us more choices and challenges as we take care of aging relatives. Before someone would die and we would be unable to resuscitate. Now modern equipment allows us not only to resuscitate but to prolong their lives with respirators and drugs which create blood pressure.
As the next of kin, we can rightfully ask if they are really alive or if their bodies are being artificially maintained. We may wonder: Should I even ask for resuscitation? Should I allow a respirator or feeding tube?
As next of kin, these choices may be thrust upon us. It is never easy, but having a plan will make our choices clearer.
So as your loved one ages, don’t ignore the gentle nudges of home health care personnel or nurses who advise you to consider a living will. Don’t ignore the issue when a doctor mentions hospice. At least discuss their preferences.
If your loved one is able and chooses to do so, writing or recording a living will is the surest way to guarantee their wishes are followed. But should they be unwilling or unable to make such a formal declaration, it is advisable for you to know their wishes. Specifically, you will want to talk about their preferences regarding resuscitation, the respirator, and feeding tube.
Without a formal declaration on their part, it is likely you as next of kin will make life-and-death decisions in the event of mental or physical incapacity. Knowing their wishes is very important and will help you filter through your emotions at a trying time. You may want to consider how mentally alert/clear they were when the issue was discussed. You also may want to consider if they have expressed their beliefs regarding life support at an earlier point in their lives, or if they demonstrated their beliefs through similar choices for a spouse or other relative.
Here at Blue Summit Hospice and Palliative Care, we are available to support you through these discussions. We use the 5 Wishes format for our Hospice and Palliative Care patients and recommend this system to everyone, as it is gentle and available to all. https://www.fivewishes.org/for-myself/
Whatever you decide, it is important that you are comfortable with it. It is important for you to know you have done your best to provide care AND honor their wishes.
